Sometimes leaving is the right answer

The real problem of bad managers isn’t the manager. Not on the micro level.  The problem is that we give over our power to these people. Satya made a statement to employees earlier this year.  He essentially said, to vote with your feet.  The longer I’ve been in tech the more I believe in that approach.

I’ll go a step further.  Either find a way to change your view of this manager and decide they aren’t a problem, or go.

I’ve had a couple of manager’s who I’d say were bad managers for me.  I have a lot of evidence.    I wasn’t the only one who had problems working for him.  The worst did things most people would agree were unethical at best. He repeatedly lied.  Intentionally setup roadblocks. I stayed until the day he looked me in the eyes and told me I had earned not only my next promotion, but the one after, but that no matter what I ever did he’d never actually promote me.

I stayed way too long.  Why did I stay?  I love the area.  I was managing a team of some of the most amazing, smart guys I had met. Somehow I thought I’d win him over.  The list of excuses is long.

When it was all said and done, I left feeling screwed over.  I worried my career was over.  Had I been in level too long? Was that time a waste?

It took me years to get over my anger at this manager. I haven’t actually reach the point I like the guy, but I finally realize that it wasn’t his fault I went through this.  He was just as petty and rude to me in our first 1:1.   I had all of the signs of who he was early on.  I’m the one who chose to stay.

After that what’s my rule of thumb of when to leave because of a manager?  If I think they have to change for me to be okay.

There’s some subtle nuance.  I may have ways that I’d like any manager to change, but if they don’t I’ll still be okay.  An imperfect manager is likely and often fine or irrelevant.

Will you at least be okay if they never change?

Expert level tip: If your goal is true mastery of yourself, do the work on your thinking to make the situation okay regardless of them.  And then leave after you are at okay. If this sounds crazy, read more of my stuff on STEAR and the difference between fact and story.