First rule of being a mentor

If you only digest one philosophy before you begin mentoring, let it be this one.  A mentor doesn’t decide.

I’m not talking about questions where there’s a universal answer or a skill type of question. “What’s the team check-in process?” type of questions, go for it, impart your wisdom.

What I’m talking about is around a person’s life and career.

As a mentor it is never your job to decide what the other person should do with their life.  Maybe you get this at the abstract level. Or maybe I’ve just confused you because you think the whole job of a mentor is to tell people what to do. It’s not.

Here’s the problem. What would have been right for you isn’t necessarily for them. They might do what you say and resent you, your advice won’t get executed, or a host of other awkward results.

So what the heck does it mean to mentor? As a mentor your job is to give more ideas, perspectives, and personal stories. Teach people what criteria you would use. How you approach the problem. What experiences you had that are similar.  And ask thoughtful questions to help them think and process.  It’s all about adding more context so they can make the best decisions for themselves.

There are going to be times where they ask you “what should I do?” and you will have a brilliant answer.  It still won’t be your job to tell them what to do.  You will never have all of the context on them that they have. In this situation, I suggest that you remind them that you can never know what is right for them, but you can share how you’d think through the decision.

The really good news is that mentorship is much easier when you don’t think you need to have all of the answers.  And the ultimate bonus is that they people you help will be helped on a much deeper level.